Life is not governed by will or intention. Life is a question of nerves, and fibers, and slowly built-up cells in which thought hides itself and passion has its dreams. You may fancy yourself safe, and think yourself strong. But a chance tone of color in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play—I tell you, Dorian, that it is on things like these that our lives depend.
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (via clioooooo)
Bill the Waiter, painted in 2006
EDITING STUFF (i.e. Clutter)
I want to speak to the older folk among us. Because the young by nature are free of this burden - - at least for now.
I’ve spoken about space before; why it’s necessary. Space opens us up for newness. For new experiences. For new ideas. Space makes room for “the other” - - that is, for others to join us in our lives.
I’m not sure what value, real value, stuff has in our lives. I mean, a father’s old watch, old books from college, letters in boxes, souvenirs from Mexico, or cassette tapes without a player. Anyone have any eight tracks? I’m not a hoarder, per se. But I have a hard time throwing out stuff. What is it we’re trying to hold on to? The stuff or the memories, the associations they bring to mind? I would like to propose that the stuff in our life is in direct correlation with the stuff - - I want to change the word to clutter - - in our inner lives.
Imagine if our house was full of clutter. Imagine that our inner life was the same. Imagine, just for a minute, that we want someone to join us as a partner. Imagine that they have stuff as well. Outside and inside. It’s too much. There’s no room. No room to create something new. No room to even be together.
This is a big issue for those of us who are older. Over the years we’ve accumulated moats of stuff around us. Granted, some things are worth keeping. They have real value, but most stuff does not and becomes a barrier and impedes us. It keeps others from coming in, and keeps us from venturing out. The positive has become the negative.
We need to become good editors. To edit out with brutal honesty what is not important. Is it worth keeping that stuff, that clutter. Or even more direct, is it worth keeping that hurt, that pain; all of which has outlived it’s purpose.
If we are older. If we are lonely. If we want partners. If we want new experiences. If we want to live, we need to free ourselves of the clutter inside and outside.
Today, with brutal honesty, I will rid myself of five things inside and/or outside of my life that are no longer important, that have outlived their purpose. Today I will begin to make room for others.
Sheree on Christmas Eve 2011. It was a quiet time with food and wine. Merry Christmas everyone. Xoxo Wayne
Listen
There’s a lot to think about everyday. We are consumed with our lives, struggling to stay ahead, to pay the bills, to care for our loved ones, to maintain our homes, our cars, our jobs, our love lives, etc. We feel justified in thinking about these things and talking about them, so much that it’s hard to pause and listen to someone else, to hear their story.
In my opinion, listening is one of the greatest ways to show respect. Paul Tillich wrote, “The first duty of love is to listen.” We all need to be heard. It’s human.
I’m learning to hold my tongue. To pause long enough to let someone else take the stage and tell their story. I do this out of love. I do this out of respect.
Caught him sleeping on the sofa.
Bill, My Friend!
THE SURPRISE!
The Surprise
I am a firm believer in the planned surprise.
So it goes like this: we work and work, plotting, planning, pulling the pieces together without the other person knowing. The art is in the presentation, as is most of life. The subject - - something spectacular spectacular and of utmost interest to the other. The feeling - - deep emotion, connectivity, something with great meaning. The result - - orgasmic joy, tears flowing, and gratitude beyond belief. The presentation - - only when everything is one hundred percent, only when the moment is right.
To pull it off, we need patience, discretion, intuition, vision, and a make-it-happen attitude. Also, can’t think about ourselves. Only the other.
Today I will begin preparation to surprise someone I love. I will begin preparation to surprise my boss. I will begin preparation to surprise myself.
The Call of the River
There are rivers of opportunity flowing in and around all of us. The stubborn will stands in defiance and is broken into pieces by the current’s force. The frightened one holds onto what’s nearby, no matter how random or inappropriate. They become battered by the waters and occasional debris. The flexible spirit releases and flows and becomes part of the powerful, a part of something bigger, something that is part of the whole. We know better. We are terrified. Being open to change and to the moment of release is more difficult than we want to imagine. Being open to the wisdom of the Universe enables us to see things we never thought true, to see the fireworks and beyond.
Today, I will not struggle against where the Universe would have me go. I will let go, even if I’m terrified, and become part of something bigger than me.
My honey!
